top of page

When you are afraid, you start going into fight or flight mode. Your body starts prioritising what is needed for immediate survival - screw routine body functions, if you don't make it past the next few moments there won't be a routine to return to. You stop digesting food. Cell repair slows or stops. You stop producing saliva, which is why your mouth goes dry when you're nervous just before making a speech or going into a difficult conversation. Your heart rate and breathing increase to ensure better blood flow. A cocktail of hormones like epinephrine and oxytocin are cued up and produced, which amplifies your body's ability to act (and remarkably, in the case of oxytocin, reminds you to seek help).
Don't be mistaken about what happens when you feel fear. Your body is readying itself to help you face what you fear in the way it knows how.

What causes us to feel fear?
1) Fear occurs to us unconsciously. Do you pause to think, hey, very angry looking snake! Maybe I should be scared. Of course not, it would be too late! Fear becomes much clearer when we examine what happens inside your brain. When you are afraid, the fear/anger/aggression/anxiety centre of your brain - the amygdalas (get used to this name, it's gonna keep popping up) lights up. And we've covered all the changes that happen in your body: your blood pressure, your hormones, your heart-rate. But remember how amygdala is like a train interchange with direct routes to different parts of your brain? There is a direct neural link between our amygdala and your pre-frontal cortex, the rational thinking part of your brain. And if we look closely enough or we think things through, sometimes we realise, argh! it's not an angry snake, it's just a prank toy that your annoying friend had thrown at you. Or if you've handled angry snakes enough times, your amygdala does not light as much. Your blood pressure and your heart rate do not increase as much, you realise what you need to do is to stay calm and slowly back away.

Finally, notice how fear, anger, aggression, and anxiety are processed by the same part of the brain, the amygdala. This is no coincidence. These 4 emotions are closely tied to one another; aggression maybe triggered because one is nervous, angry, or fearful. Being fearful may cause one to react angrily, as a self-defense mechanism. Fear, like all our emotions, happens to us. Mostly, we can't control how it originates. But we can control how it develops by understanding what exactly is causing fear and by choosing the response that dispels it

2) We fear what we are unconfident or uncertain about. Think back on your ancestors doing something they weren't confident or certain off - hunting a massive animal without a weapon, or eating a berry they've never seen before. Doing so would mean a very high chance of seriously harming themselves. Today, after many cycles of evolution, we have been wired based on these experiences.

Think about it. Are you ever fearful of something you've done before, and are good? Brushing your teeth, putting on your clothes, indulging in your favourite hobby (whatever it is)? Of course not. You know you can perform these functions easily. You are confident.

But many of us would have felt fearful and anxious the first time we ventured into something new: using a pair of chopsticks, riding a bicycle, swimming, going on a first date. We were uncertain about these functions, and we were not confident about performing them. However, once we have demonstrated to ourselves that we are able to perform these tasks, we are no longer afraid. The same applies to more challenging tasks. Some of us struggle with: public speaking, starting a business, having a very difficult conversation with the CEO... You are uncertain and unconfident if you can succeed. But once you have proven to yourself you are able to do it, even for the more challenging tasks, you are no longer afraid. People might start off feeling scared about public speaking, but after speech 3797, you're pro The catch, of course, is that sometimes, we are too scared to start.

Even if we were certain of something OR confident about something, many of us will still feel some amount of fear. We might be theoretically certain how we should use a pair of chopsticks, but if we have never succeeded in using them properly, we remain unconfident and will still feel nervous if we had to use them, especially when others are observing. You might also be confident about

3) we fear what is painful. Boxer. climbing 100 flights of stairs or doing 100 burpees. But pain is not just physical but mental. Failure is painful. Being judged is painful.

This is why you procrastinate. You either fear what you have to do bevause you don't know how to do it (you don't fear brushing your teeth for example), or you fear doing something becaue you know it will be effortful

4) we fear what we cannot control

Learn more about your amygdala, the amygdala hijack, the thalamus, the pre-frontal cortex, and how your brain works here.

Summary:

- Fear and anxiety (and anger + aggression) are always

Home

Themes

Know Your Brain

About

Search

jeffreywenhao

Jul 1, 20202 min read

How to apologise

Recently, I had a friend who lost a grandmother she was close to. And even though she must have felt really down, she shared her memories of her grandmother very eloquently: "I was just thinking along the lines of Doing and Being. My grandma having done fun and funny things notwithstanding, I think the bright memories of her will also be because of how she did them and who she was. She really had such a gentle temperament and welcoming nature. I guess all our Doing needs to be grounded in sound Being, otherwise... might end up as clanging cymbal or a vain pursuit?"

It was really a thoughtful reflection, and I shall keep it close to my heart. I hope to be like this grandmother, who not only did things with people around her, but did it sincerely, making sure she was present as she was doing them, extending herself and her personality into everything she did. We can all spend time with our loved ones, but it's hard for this time spent to be meaningful if it was coupled with "Being".

It also reminded me of this terrific list from Dr. Harriet Lerner, in a podcast with Dr Brene Brown, on how to apologise. Apologising is difficult, because it means we have to admit we are wrong. Being wrong registers a pain in our brains similar to pain caused by physical injury; our brains are naturally inclined to avoid pain, and so we face internal resistance apologising. But we should be aware of our natural inclinations and strive to overcome them. We can't always be right. For the things that matter, we should always consider the possibility that we are wrong. We should also bear in mind that apology is not necessarily a painful experience, but instead provide a means of deeper connection. But as Lerner shares, apology by itself is insufficient. "Sorry" is just a word. There needs to be a "being" that accompanies the action, to mean it, to want things to be better. Instead of a simple focus on ourselves and what we need to do, we have to focus on being present for the other person, whom we might have caused a lot of pain to.

Recent Posts

Why organisations are not innovative, even when they want to be

The plastic bottle

The winter flower

Comments

bottom of page