When you are afraid, you start going into fight or flight mode. Your body starts prioritising what is needed for immediate survival - screw routine body functions, if you don't make it past the next few moments there won't be a routine to return to. You stop digesting food. Cell repair slows or stops. You stop producing saliva, which is why your mouth goes dry when you're nervous just before making a speech or going into a difficult conversation. Your heart rate and breathing increase to ensure better blood flow. A cocktail of hormones like epinephrine and oxytocin are cued up and produced, which amplifies your body's ability to act (and remarkably, in the case of oxytocin, reminds you to seek help).
Don't be mistaken about what happens when you feel fear. Your body is readying itself to help you face what you fear in the way it knows how.
What causes us to feel fear?
1) Fear occurs to us unconsciously. Do you pause to think, hey, very angry looking snake! Maybe I should be scared. Of course not, it would be too late! Fear becomes much clearer when we examine what happens inside your brain. When you are afraid, the fear/anger/aggression/anxiety centre of your brain - the amygdalas (get used to this name, it's gonna keep popping up) lights up. And we've covered all the changes that happen in your body: your blood pressure, your hormones, your heart-rate. But remember how amygdala is like a train interchange with direct routes to different parts of your brain? There is a direct neural link between our amygdala and your pre-frontal cortex, the rational thinking part of your brain. And if we look closely enough or we think things through, sometimes we realise, argh! it's not an angry snake, it's just a prank toy that your annoying friend had thrown at you. Or if you've handled angry snakes enough times, your amygdala does not light as much. Your blood pressure and your heart rate do not increase as much, you realise what you need to do is to stay calm and slowly back away.
Finally, notice how fear, anger, aggression, and anxiety are processed by the same part of the brain, the amygdala. This is no coincidence. These 4 emotions are closely tied to one another; aggression maybe triggered because one is nervous, angry, or fearful. Being fearful may cause one to react angrily, as a self-defense mechanism. Fear, like all our emotions, happens to us. Mostly, we can't control how it originates. But we can control how it develops by understanding what exactly is causing fear and by choosing the response that dispels it
2) We fear what we are unconfident or uncertain about. Think back on your ancestors doing something they weren't confident or certain off - hunting a massive animal without a weapon, or eating a berry they've never seen before. Doing so would mean a very high chance of seriously harming themselves. Today, after many cycles of evolution, we have been wired based on these experiences.
Think about it. Are you ever fearful of something you've done before, and are good? Brushing your teeth, putting on your clothes, indulging in your favourite hobby (whatever it is)? Of course not. You know you can perform these functions easily. You are confident.
But many of us would have felt fearful and anxious the first time we ventured into something new: using a pair of chopsticks, riding a bicycle, swimming, going on a first date. We were uncertain about these functions, and we were not confident about performing them. However, once we have demonstrated to ourselves that we are able to perform these tasks, we are no longer afraid. The same applies to more challenging tasks. Some of us struggle with: public speaking, starting a business, having a very difficult conversation with the CEO... You are uncertain and unconfident if you can succeed. But once you have proven to yourself you are able to do it, even for the more challenging tasks, you are no longer afraid. People might start off feeling scared about public speaking, but after speech 3797, you're pro The catch, of course, is that sometimes, we are too scared to start.
Even if we were certain of something OR confident about something, many of us will still feel some amount of fear. We might be theoretically certain how we should use a pair of chopsticks, but if we have never succeeded in using them properly, we remain unconfident and will still feel nervous if we had to use them, especially when others are observing. You might also be confident about
3) we fear what is painful. Boxer. climbing 100 flights of stairs or doing 100 burpees. But pain is not just physical but mental. Failure is painful. Being judged is painful.
This is why you procrastinate. You either fear what you have to do bevause you don't know how to do it (you don't fear brushing your teeth for example), or you fear doing something becaue you know it will be effortful
4) we fear what we cannot control
Learn more about your amygdala, the amygdala hijack, the thalamus, the pre-frontal cortex, and how your brain works here.
Summary:
- Fear and anxiety (and anger + aggression) are always
The Chef who served food and soul
Krishnan had been an award-winning chef with Taj Hotels in Bangalore and was set for a high-profile posting to be the chef at a 5-star hotel in Switzerland. Before leaving for Switzerland, he went back to his hometown in Madurai, India. to visit his family and to make prayers at the temple. It was on his way to the temple that he saw a filthy elderly man lying on the side of the road.
"I saw a very old man, he was literally eating his own waste out of hunger. I thought, what is the purpose of my life? What am I going to do? In a hotel, I feed all my guests. But in my hometown, there are people living without food. I quit my job, and started feeding the homeless mentally destitute and elderly who have been un-cared"
Krishnan quit his job. Each day, he woke at 4 am to cook, and travelled over 200km to feed those in need, often with his own hands. He founded his organisation - Akshaya Trust, with his own savings. Since 2002, Akshaya Trust has delivered over 2 million meals.
What was his family's reaction to him not going to Europe? They thought he had gone bonkers and needed mental help. His parents, with the advice of friends and relatives, took him to a psychiatrist and to a Hindu priest. He also faced societal pressure. He was a Brahmin, the highest class in the Hindu caste system. He was constantly reminded that by tradition, Brahmins do not interact with the destitute. Krishnan was violating long-established norms.
It can't be easy to face so much pressure from society and from those closest to you, whom you most want support from. So how did Krishnan cope with this?
He brought his parents to see what he was doing, and the gratitude of the needy won his parents over. His mom told him "You feed all these people, I will feed you as long as I'm alive." Krishnan had no qualms giving up his caste status, he no longer considers himself Brahmin. "If any caste, creed, or colour is going to stop my service, I don't want to be part of it. If people are going to say that human beings are not supposed to (do what he does), I'm going to declare that I'm an animal and continue feeding the needy."
If all these sound incredible, Krishnan did not stop there.
"I wanted those I helped to psychologically feel that they are also human beings, that there are people who care for them, they have a hand to hold, hope to live. Food is one part, love is another. Food gives them physical nutrition; the love and affection which you show give them mental nutrition."
On top of food, he saw that those in need were often dirty and unkempt. To make them feel human, he wanted to provide a bath, shave and haircut. For haircuts, he tried seeking help from barbers, but was rejected; the barbers, mindful of the caste system, were worried they would lose their customers by serving the destitute. So Krishnan spent 6 months learning barber skills and has since given thousands of haircuts. As many of the destitute have no one else to turn to, Krishnan also became the one who would take charge of cremating those who had unfortunately passed on.
As the video further elaborates, Krishnan kept taking bigger and bigger steps to help those in need. Using what was left of his personal savings and money from selling his own valuables, and using a small piece of land in the outskirts that his grandfather had left him, he built a home for the helpless. As his work became more recognised, public donations allowed him to scale his efforts, building a larger rehabilitation centre.
"I'm not carried away by the awards or limelight. Everybody has got 5.5 litres of blood. For me, everyone is the same. I am just like every person. If you see me after 10 years, maybe I might have reduced 5-10kgs of body weight. But the interest I have towards the society, to care for my fellow human beings will never go away from me till my last breath. What is the ultimate purpose of life? It's to give!"
In her book 幸运草 (the 4 clover-leaf), famed mandrin novelist 琼瑶 (Chiung Yao) wrote, "解決別人的困難，也是找到自己問題的答案" - "when we solve the difficulties others face, we often find the answers to our own problems"
When we think about what to do in life, we often think of the money we will make and the lifestyle we will lead. We watch videos and read books about the billionaire or millionaire mindset. There's nothing wrong with these of course. But it's also people like Krishnan who offers us a different view of success, a more selfless view premised on giving rather than acquiring. If we're honest, this life story understandably does not sound as appealing to everyone. But make no mistake that it is a life story written every bit as well as a Bill Gates' or Warren Buffet's.